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Halogen Dreams

(incomplete)

Ghost

Is it a ghost? Invisible…
My intention is perception. What if I were to mention I’m insanely aware? Photons glue on my body so that you can see the light reflect out of my eyes. Oh my god! Don’t you feel so alive?! Hold on now… how are we alive?
Dealing with it. A demon within. More showed up and now it’s more then just a feeling that I am just a theory. More showed up – so wet. Hold on, grow up, move on along.

Let it become.
Let it become all you are. Crying won’t help. Why can’t I make one more wish?
Let it become one more wish.
Let it become to let it.
Let it become all you are.
Such a fooler. I know why you’re cooler. Why are you such a fooler? They are your new ruler.

Out of the white noise they come so keep your voice down. Walking around – shadows breath out of the walls. The covers now seem to be hiding. Shunning the deep killer voice down in the hall.

Before I see if you are an invisible animal I’ll keep my distance so you won’t take my soul.

Now it’s become aware out of mind. Determined to find a way into life. Sit little child. Sit and hold tight. Soon what you’ll see will turn your knuckles white.

So cold.

Who’s in the corner now? Precious though it sounds like you’re on fire… then I watched you burst into flames. Girl on the ground – writhing all about – I can’t see what’s holding you down. It must be hell -waking in this cell. Waking up and reliving something that you were never meant to see. You are mine inside. But you are not right. You should have never been a broken existence. Like a twig, cracked instead. Cold and dead. Where’s my head?

Room is so cold, makes you feel so old. But you can’t control what you can’t control.

So cold.

Shadowlight

The Loss

Go with your changes and lie down. Full of promises, I never see you following through for me. I’ll try to save your life, don’t run away. I will not betray you, And I know life’s been hard on you. So what did you do? You just travel through your life, Though not aware, how much I know of your pain inside. You never realized how much I care about your dismal images, that you give to me. But you just shrug me away. You will never follow me through the edges of tomorrow. I crash on through these edges of tomorrow for you. My soul injures your body. I found embrace before. But I depart (until we meet again). You’ll find nothing better, So I will see you later. When wanted you feed it. Desire that forever haunts your mind. Take it, hate it, say it, (fuck it), do it again.

Please Take a Number

Jesus Christ I don’t believe it! How come no one seems to care? The fallacies you sing you cold hearted, soulless, child of a mind, so young, pretentious, and righteous all the time. I didn’t even have a chance to come to you and do the right thing, which was of course to stand and say to you that nothing’s going on. But then came along your dog, Unleashed by all your lies and now he’s shitting on my lawn! ! So fuck you, you little pain in the ass! I was even gonna give you a chance to say what’s on your mind, And if you thought I’d crossed a line then as a friend, I would’ve looked at you and said, “No problem, it’ll end. ”But your misinformed friends come at me seeking retribution, But it’s your sin. Maybe you should go admit that you had lied to them! I don’t think that you could ever be so strong. Here’s what you should do. Come and clean up my lawn. I think that would prove that you have good intensions, But I’m not a betting man. You’ll end up alone with your narcissistic code. You should burry your head in a whole – come on now bro. The water isn’t fine when you’re wallowing in lies. You waste my fucking time.

Living As

On a path so unrecognizable, systems run our lives and kill. Animals we truly are. Do me a favor this one time, maybe you can shoot me. Shed away the skins that we are…Not so solid, so let it go. All of this control you lose in your life. Sad and alone, oversaturated by the thought that we’re wise, Righteous and bright. Our minds need to be modified. On a path and it’s great destruction. Do you see me laughing? So unbelieveable I can’t even think. How can it be so mechanical, when naturally there’s more? We sink into the dark depths of unfounded beliefs and emotion and lie to ourselves to be right…The many versions of eternal life. Do you see the problem that arises through fear? So sinister to disguise yourself as light. I find it obvious but I’m surrounded by heathens mistreating the world that has grown them. Abusing their lives, abusing their minds. Goddamnit I just wish that I could get by through one day so that I can live as an enlightened mind. The god theory is not just a bad theory. It turns out to be in principle incapable of doing the job required of it. Here is an idea or a notion that you’re not allowed to say anything bad about. You’re just not. Why not? Because you’re not! Why should it be that it’s perfectly legitimate to support the republicans or democrats, this model of economics vs. that vs. that, macintosh instead of windows… but to have an opinion about how the universe began; about who created the universe – no. That’s holy. So we’re used to not challenging religious ideas. Yet when you look at it rationally, there is no reason why those ideas shouldn’t be as open to debate as any other, except that we’ve agreed somehow between us that they shouldn’t be. Now I see the problem that arises through fear. You’re sinister. You disguise yourself as light. I find it obvious cuz I opened my eyes. The scientific world view is so much more exciting, more poetic, more filled with sheer wonder then anything in the poverty stricken arsenals of the religious imagination. Religion teaches people to be satisfied with trivial, supernatural non-explanations, and blinds them to the wonderful real explanations that we have within our grasp.

Cancer

The door is wide open and shut. The blood on the floor comes from the cutIn the seams of seemingly simple scenes we call lifeLove is on our side. Don’t worry about the why. Open the door, fall to your kneesNothing is selfish, all that you pleaseI don’t need end, I don’t know whyYou’re my own martyr now. These dreams of simple scenes we call lifeNothing’s on our sideDon’t worry about the why. Just know that when we all die, we’ll do it all together. Don’t you cry. Close your eyes don’t look at me. Just turn away, I don’t want you to see. It’s not right for you to love me. It’s not right for you to die. It’s not right for you to know that I don’t have any reasons why you are lost. Don’t you want to try? You are not my own living wisdom now. So you feed meYou should have tried to hide or find your way out. You didn’t even want me out moving. You couldn’t find your own way out.

The Touch

Please life I’m so torn and dead inside. The choices I have made.

Face Life For Now

Why don’t you kill yourself, you’re worthless. Just kill yourself, you’re worthlessPut a bullet in your head and wash it all away. Just kill yourself you worthless piece of shit, You’re never fearless. Put a bullet in your head. Now I don’t wanna say your moment here is worthless. You can wash away what’s worthless by never letting go. You can take it all away in one moment that is worthless. You can wash away what’s worthless. Put a bullet in your head. Let it go away. You could hold on now. You should hold on. Why don’t you kill yourself, you’re worthless. Just kill yourself, you’re worthlessPut a bullet in your head and wash it all away. Just kill yourself you worthless piece of shit, You’re never fearless. Put a bullet in your head. Cuz I don’t wanna say that a moment here is worthless. or wash away your worthless pain of never letting go. You can take it all away through a moment that is worthless. You can wash away what’s worthless. Put a bullet in your head. Let it go away. You should hold on. You could hold on. Why don’t you kill yourself, you’re worthless. Just kill yourself, you’re worthlessPut a bullet in your head and wash it all away. Just kill yourself you worthless piece of shit, You’re never fearless. Put a bullet in your head. Now I don’t wanna say that your moment here is worthless. so wash away your worthless pain. By never letting go. You can take it all away. In a moment that is worthless. You can wash away what’s worthless. Put a bullet in your fucking head. Let it go away. OR WAIT

Empty & You

Shhh… close your eyes. If you wait I have a surprise. You should know I love you. When I watch you go down. Hold up your arms. I want you that way. It’s all right now. To not run away. I would long for you. But I will move on. I would long for youBut you don’t want me to long. I can’t decide what’s mineIf it’s you, you must decide. I’d wait forever for you. If I knew that one day you’d be there for me. Opening up and swallowing. Shamed by all your dark skies. I’m here to show you light. I would long for you. But I will move on. I would long for you. But you don’t want to long for me. Well, I’m taking my chances. When really though I haven’t been very constructiveAnd here I go spiraling down through this stair case of life. It’s all right that I do these things once in a while, But I shouldn’t just sit alone. Burry it. This is your choice. To burry it or just sit alone.

Tranquilium

Coward I see through you. Do you want to live through agonizing lies? Just like that we die. Now that I can watch youBreathing night consumes youIn and out of lifeYour dreams now are mine. Hold on now, I am darkenedSo I need now to enlighten my soulWill shroud all that’s left of me and IWill live no longer emptyAnd why can you not hide fromWhat is far from your life? My god, was it so wrong to say goodbye to my unenlightened mind? Now that I have crossed the line. To open up a new piece of mindOlder memories, things I had mentor me. Crawling out am I troubling your peace of mind? I can hide. So you never find a way to find another wayFor me to bring myself to peace and life. Your life is my life now.

The Month of April

The cold controlling aspects of life that I seeFloat abnormally glancing at what I resign to find in your eyes. I’d like to notice you wondering inside whether or not your decision was right. You immature girl, where are you hiding so horrified? Little bitch are you dying to just run? And what will you find? What can you find holding on to your lies you conniving child? You fucking conniving child and whore. I’d like to sit with you watching you cry, wondering whether or not your decision was right. Why would you want to go back to the hate and the lies and the constant mistrust in your mind? Holding these aspects of life. Can’t you see all your pain and constant misfortune are not caused by me? When will you find your way? How long will you take? How long should I wait? I miss your body, I miss the light you put in my heart. But it’s not worth it to wait without knowing whether or not. I’m forgetting you. I must forget you. You found you were lost. I found you, why are you gone? Why do you hide from me? What is it that I can’t be for you? What more then love did I show you to push you away? There is nothing, fucking nothing you can say. You take and you take, And you run and you run – and I’m watching you run from me. You take and you take, And you run and you run.

Jabberwocky

I watch us grow into the devil’s arms. My home will die when you play god. Who is your great keeper tilting my eyes up to the only one that sees? More disbursed then mountain flames, Move the earth or let it rain. Try to control what you don’t know. Shame on you. Look at my hidden angel sideTurn me clockwise, you’ll want to hide cuz so do I. Break the cycle of all of this shame on you and you, Can’t back out of this dark corner, Make a play for a new world order hoping that you don’t get caughtShoulder deep in the blood filled cookie jar you bought. Let’s whore out our children. The plan of the right. Held by the thinnest of stringsShould we be quiet and faithful and turn from our waste of all things? Bring along a stranger from another world to sit and view our ways. What would they say when they see all of the terrifying ways we have found, To rape everyone, everything, with every cycle of shame. Break all the cycles of shame – where we all trip on life. All the meaning for me takes me away. Takes me forward, and makes me seek all but this shell. Seek all but this shell.

The Clan’s Disgrace

I’m overjoyed to watch you try to runNow I know what you’ll be running fromYour fear is here. I behold the fire in you. Try not to hold the fire in you. He’s just a punk. Don’t say anything, you don’t want to make this more difficult. I am that voice you heardI’m what you thought you sawI am the whisper driving you madI am retributionSo I laugh when I hear you screamingAnd I laugh when I hear you cryI laugh when you beg me for mercyAnd I will laugh when I watch you die? I will be your terror walking in flesh and bone. The pleasure in your pain will be my very own. My hands will be covered in crimsonAnd eyes will tinged with flame. I will piss on the grave I made for youYou’re a liar, take the blame. Do you like her in her cell rotting away, crying for mercy? What will happen when you cry? My def ear, my turned back, my cold heart. Do you like her in the cold, fading away, screaming for help? Why will happen when you scream? My def ear, my turned back, my cold heart. I don’t believe I’ve felt a shiver penetrate me so deeply in some time. I behold the fire in you. Try not to hold the fire in you. ? He’s just a punk.

Paradise

Never decided that was the way for me to believe. I never decided there really was one way, But you couldn’t talk to me. You couldn’t tell me what was right. And I would rather find my own way. You’re trying to close my eyes with your lies. I don’t ever wanna celebrate your darkness. You’ll never win, your sadistic grin won’t scare me straight. And I will never celebrate these ultimatums you give to me. Now I have decided that there’s a way from me to believe, And I have decided that it is not your way cuzWhen you talk to meAnd when you look me in the eyes, You think you have a god given right to condemn my life. Are you so fucking hypnotized by your lies that you can’t even see past this worthless life you lead? It’s so easy to see far past your finality. When everything I say you simply shrug away as heresy. We won’t let you do what you want. Crawling over sand or wind or walls we hold you in time, in our minds. I will not fall through your eyes at all. I see it is you inside your lies. You do it all for godBut not a Muslim godAnd not a Jewish godYou do it for your godYou do it all for godAnd only for your godYour fucking Christian godBut that is not your job. Follow your instincts:Illusion breedingOur children bleedingYour leading your men, they’ll follow you in, and they’ll all end up dead. So you think you have a paradise. Well fuck you I’m happy with mineAt least I can base mine on knowledgeNot misinformation or liesWhen even those who believe as you are screaming at you, “You’re a fake! ”You crack your little sadistic grin and never admit your mistake. Faith dictates, but you do what you want…For god…You’re not a leader, you’re just a president. (for god)